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pink soda's Journal
Below are the 25 most recent journal entries.
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2001.08.10 10.28
i found out some disappointing new yesterday...
lauren told jason that i yelled at her. when i didn't. see -- and that's why it's disappointing. so, i called her yesterday to see what it was all about, but when i asked her about it.. she kinda had this different side to it.. as in she told him that i seemed mad and upset. so, jason could have been just trying to start some drama as usual.. or.. hmm i dunno. but still it was disappointing.
not really being close to people has made me think that maybe i shouldn't try to invest a lot of time trying to befriend people in college. you know.. so i don't have to deal with the normal shit like back-stabbing bitch and such. hmm.. i guess i'll see...
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i've been sooo sleepy lately. i can't wait until i get home today. i just want to curl up in a ball for the rest of the day. i've felt like i've been dragging along this entire week. i'm ready for some r&r. maybe i'll watch Niagara Niargara (i bought it from a flea market a few weeks ago and still haven't watched it yet) with cris, tonight. mmm robin tunney!! she is so great --especially in empire records!
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2001.08.09 12.22
i must be evil or something...
since i basically have nothing to do at work except look at a computer all day and help people when they come to the desk, i use most of my time looking on the web.. and people's online journals. i usually check out this one girl's who lives here (yes, the same one who was the best friend of the girl who wanted cris ---) just to see what entertaining bits she has to say. ha! i was just there and as usual she was talking about how depressed she is and well basically how free she is with her body. ha! (what is with this: it seems almost like she has sex with so many guys just to make herself look like a "bad girl" ... anyway) she happened to mention that she ran into this guy downtown that everyone knows and that they had a "moment" HAHAH!!! it is so great though, because the fact is.. he's like this popular guy (i personally have grown to see other sides of him -- just for the fact that i have seen him make fun of people for going to school while he's a dropout himself.. hrm!) who for the most part acts nice to everyone and is.. well of course flirty with every girl there is.. no matter if she's young or old, gay or straight, yellow or purple... you get it. and i just can't wait until she tries to move in on him. haha! now this could also be me wanting just a bit of revenge on her since she tries to act all mellow and down to earth and then says shit about my girlfriend to god knows everyone just because that girl liked cris or well it could be me wanting just another slut to come to turns with the fact that no everyone wants to fuck them.
i could go on and on and on.. hehe
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my shoes should arrive today! oh hooray! heh
speaking of shoes, the woman who bought a pair of black shoes from me through ebay just now paid... and it's been like over 2 weeks. eep!
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yes... i've turned into one of those people. you know the ones. they like these certain shows such as felicity and dawson's creek and so they go on the message boards and try to find out every single possible spoiler they can. yep, that's me. the spoiler freak. i just can't help it.. and it's scary, i know, but i even read "their" summer diaries just cause. i can't help myself. hehe. on that note.. who is with me when it comes to joey (katie holmes) or felicity (keri russell -- oh god) getting some lesbian action? heh!
look! just look at me.. i'm a freak when it comes to this stuff. hehe. that's it.. no more tv for a long while.
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2001.08.08 12.04
i must say that malik has the more entertaining way of dealing with nicole. he just kinda stood there like yeah.. she's yelling at me.. okay because honestly.. who was she to yell at him? exactly. good for him. it was great. hehe.
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get this. i actually get out yesterday! wow. hehe..even though it was just to Ryan's to eat with my family. it was the same as it always is.. my grandma treats the people there like peasants and we all get embarrassed and then go home, hoping that no one will notice you the next time you go back there. it wasn't so bad this time, though.. because i drove there so i was able to leave whenever i wanted.
i might actually go out again tonight.. and like a real going out.. where it's with me and cris. i guess during the weekdays i just can't seem to make it out of the house.. i mean i go to work dead tired (what is with this: no matter how much sleep you get.. you're always tired??) and then when i finally get my ass home i'm like.. fuck going out. i'm gonna get my pj's on and lay around. but today... oh no.. i'm gonna make it.. at least i hope i will. hehe.
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wow.. if i don't get out of work soon.. i'm gonna die. i hate it here.. all the people are like older well mostly in their 30s and 40s and they just look at you like.. oh your just a little brat..and they all act like their in fuckin' cults and gotta group together and whisper because jesus.. what if someone actually heard what they said. and surprisingly enough i more so hate the women because they're all old bitches who think they are better than everyone. it's insane around here.. just crazy, i will ya.
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2001.08.07 12.45
cris spent the night yesterday. that has to have been the best sleep i've had in a long time. this morning i actually felt like i was having to drag myself out of bed to continue to hit the alarm clock. i wish i didn't have to work.. then i could have stayed with her. i swear.. when we get together.. we could sleep for days. hehe.
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anybody watch road rules yesterday? hmm.. things heating up. and what's with the on going "to be continued..." crap.. just get on with it. i'm ready to see if someone gets kicked off.. or who is gonna have the near death experience. ha!
wow.. and speaking of reality tv... real world comes on tonight. when i saw the commercial i was like.. wow. i mean what mike is supposed to learn from nicole about black culture.. when she gets upset at malik for rating outside of his race. hmm. interesting. still, i've been cool with nicole ever since she made the fried chicken comment during the casting special.
i'm sure everyone else has a rr and rw connection.. right? hmm....
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2001.08.06 14.03
i got my car back after a day.. everything is perfect.. it's been running great! oh thank goodness.. hehe.
everything has been great.. well except for steppin' out. i went there on friday with cris and met up with shannon and shannon (gosh, they are just too cute!). i saw lauren (she was trailing behind myra and sarah) and shouted at her because she's so freakin' blind. it was weird though.. because usually when she doesn't see me for a while she's like... hey!! wow.. etc.. but she was just like oh hi... and when she realized that the all powerful myra and sarah had left her (gee.. could it be me.. or.... me? hah!) she quickly said good-bye and all i could say was.. "oh yeah, i wouldn't want your friends to leave you because of me." i dunno.. i guess the whole experience just left me feeling like i wasn't really missed and just well.. a little lonely. but, of course.. cris and the shannons were there so.. it was still a good day. when i think about it.. i'm really lucky. i mean sure.. i may not be overflowing with friendships, but at least i have a girlfriend that loves me to pieces and a few close friends that like me no matter what.
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i had a bunch of stuff to say.. but now it's just gone. hmm...
i bought a pair of delia*s shoes and a lilith fair 2 cd set on ebay, yesterday. oh the joys of shopping online. i also bought a million things at the flea market and at target, this weekend... but we won't get into that.
welp... i thought this was going to be longer.. but i guess not. maybe i'll just go see what roxy has been up to.
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2001.08.01 16.51
last night after we finally got the car started, my mom and dad took it back down to the dealer to get it fixed. today, when my dad got in the dealer called and told him that the car was fixed. hmm.. so, after my mom and i get off work we're going to go down there and see what the car's like. god, i hope it's fixed.. but wow.. it sure was fixed fast.. so we're gonna have to check EVERYTHING and make sure that nothing is screwed up. i hope it's all fine and dandy so i can get back to actually having a car to drive.
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2001.07.31 16.28
my weekend was fully packed with cars, i must say. we must have traveled to roanoke about a millions times. so.. we finally decided to buy the bluish green '90 honda accord ex with the tinted windows. that was on saturday night. it drive fine and it looked really clean and.. well.. great. but, the people told us they would get it ready for us by fully cleaning it or as the man said, "it's going to look like a brand new car!!". they said that it would be ready for us to pick up on monday. so, when monday came around we got my dodge lancer cleaned up just on case we would happen to trade it in when we bought my new car. well, when we got down there they told us that they had pressure washed it. this meaning that not only did they clean the outside of the car, they washed the inside too. the seats were really wet.. but we thought.. well, they took them out.. i guess it'll dry soon.. and all that. after testing the car out again, we decided to buy it and also trade it my car. i guess in a way this was the very beginning of the huge problems that were about to proceed. before leaving the lot the car had a problem starting.. but he told us it could just be old gas, or could have been flooded and to wait a minute. well, it finally started and we were off on the road. mind you, when we asked for a number to reach him if we needed it.. he never gave us one. everyone was hungry, so we stopped at a burger king and got a bite to eat. it all just fell apart when we came out and started the car. right when we started the car we heard a crackling noise, which is when i looked over at my driver's door and saw a lot of smoke coming from the buttons to move the windows and mirrors. apparently, the stupidfucks thought it was okay to get the fucking electronics wet!@$#%##!!!!! so, basically to make a long story short.. i have a fucking awesome car that i can't use until a week or so because we have to take it back to get it fixed. i think we are all a little afraid to even take it back there, seeing how they thought it was so fucking brilliant in the first place to clean the car by pressure washing it and forget that electronics + water = BAD! but, i guess we'll see. my mom and dad are supposed to take it back tonight and see if they can get a hold of the dealer. he was supposed to be going to the statesville auto auction today so i'm really scared that they won't be able to get in touch with him. this also makes the realize that he most likely took my nice little dodge lancer to the auction and i'll probably never be able to see it again. err!
i just hope this all works out in the end.
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2001.07.27 08.52
errr!!!! just when i think she's out of my life for good.. she always creeps back and shows her evil actions.
so, cris and i decided not to hang out yesterday.. or more so.. she wanted to hang out with jason (god knows what he has over me.. christ i mean... me.. to jason and he wins???!!!! maybe i'm more of a dorkie loser than i thought...BUT it's nice to have a day by myself sometimes...anyway...) and rent some movies or something. so i was like.. cool.. just call me later. well right before she hung up.. she was like yeah and nicole just pulled up. and i'm like.. grreat.. and she's like i guess jason called her.. so she'd get her cum rag (sleeping bag) from his house. well, when she called me back later that night.. nicole was still with them. errr! and apparently like nicole and jason smoked ALL of jason's pot and then started snorting some pills (they didn't even know what the pills were) that beckie had given them. and when cris was like, i don't want to do that.. they kept pressuring her. she didn't as far as i know. i mean i know she wouldn't be stupid enough to snort that shit with them.. but the pot i'm weary about. but, i guess i'll just trust her that she didn't because she's been telling me what's up.. and she hasn't in a while (as in -- hasn't done anything in a while) and so while she was talking to me on the phone outside, they ate all of the cookies her mom (crystal's) made for her and they just went through cris' stuff and picked out a movie they liked that she had rented and started watching it. but my fav part was the fact that nicole told jason she was going to spend the night with him and then right after he finished copying some cds for her she told him.. oops.. gotta go and just left. HAHAH!!!! what fucking idiots. oh my god.. i'm thinking.. hey.. i might be sad and pathetic.. just going to work and coming home.. but at least i'm not like them. thank fucking god. but isn't it just a great reminder that people like that.. ALWAYS WIN. i mean it's so funny that people like that are supposed to be what's cool. HAHA... right. but i think at least you know.. i'm better now (i stopped the drugs and drinking a long time ago).. or more so than i was before.. because i don't worry about cris so much and she's been telling me everything she does (hey.. when it comes to what she does.. i will always be wondering now.. but i think that with time hopefully we'll have worked completely through that) and like i'm okay with just being alone. i mean yeah, i don't like it a lot of the time.. but i realize that i'm starting this huge part of my life.. and as much as they think that they are soo cool... i'll be in a new place and i'll be better because i'm not surrounding my life on what drugs i can get a hold of that day, you know? yeah, i always say this kind of stuff.. but sometimes i just gotta say it so i don't seem like just a dork for being good all the time.
gosh, i just don't stop babbling, do i?
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2001.07.26 12.43
ohh!! gosh the most terrible thing happened to me this morning. i woke up to the sound of a cat fight and the first thing i thought of was.. oh god, my baby (i recently adopted a kitten from the humane society). so i rushed outside.. but the only cats i saw were jack and some other short-tailed one that always fights jack for his food. well jack seemed like 'get the fuck off my porch' and he was all hissing at the other cat. so i scared the other cat as much as i could and went inside to find my baby. well i looked for an hour and she never turned up. justin told me that she did that to him one day, but finally she came out -- so i still had some hope. after about 2 hours i thought.. oh god.. she's dead somewhere. well, by that time.. i had already called my mom at work to tell her and she came home to help me find her. we looked everywhere.. and then we started to look outside. right by my brother's window (it's the only window she could have gotten out of because there's a huge gap between his fan and the opened window -- we usually keep blankets under the doors.. but now that my grandma is back to living with us.. sometimes she forgets and leaves them open.. anyway) there were all these tiny patches of soft black and white fur. oh i could have just died. my mom was like.. oh that's her fur.. she's dead.. i bet she's dead. i was crying so hard... oh god, it was just so awful. anyway.. i looked around the yard and under some of the trees and i never saw her. then i happened to see something black and white near our left back porch. there she was.. completely wet, dirty with piss and shit and dirt and just everything all on her, and she was just shaking like all get out. i guess to make a long story shorter.. (heh) we took her in and gave her a little bath and right before i went to work she fell asleep on my bed. oh dear.. it was so terrible. if anything would have happened to her... i would have just went crazy. :/
needless to say, i made sure justin's window was completely down before i left.
if i have time i guess i'll post a picture or two of my babe. she's just so adorable. hehe.
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i received a reply to my email today from claire. hehe it was very nice. oh gosh, i miss her.. but i think she's doing okay up there. she said she's probably be back within 2 or 2 and a half weeks.
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2001.07.25 12.26
so.. i found out what the car is gonna look like. (it's sooo cute, i might add) yeah, that's me.. creeping around the work parking lot.. looking at all the hondas. hehe. i think that has made me even more excited now.
knowing my luck, by this weekend the car will probably already have been bought.
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cris spent the night yesterday. it was rocky in the beginning. i personally think that it was the heat. when you close the door to my room it doesn't get a lot of air.. so it just gets so hot in there and it could make anyone be on the edge. anyway, we talked and cried and all that. we're both just so.. shelled almost. scared of what's gonna happen next, you know? it's hard to explain and i really don't think any of that came out right.
she's gonna bring me an iced mocha and some chocolate covered espresso beans around 04:00pm today at work! mmm! i can't wait!
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2001.07.24 12.13
... needless to say, cris and i made up when she came over, yesterday. i mean we talked about it for a while.. and both of us seemed overwhelmingly pissy and tired and so i think it just mainly wore us out. that.. and it's very hard to stay mad at her, like i said before.
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well, we finally got a hold of the people selling the nice little '92 honda civic dx. it's mint green and seems to be in nice shape. it doesn't have nearly as many miles on it as the other ones i've seen.. but it's still up there. i guess i'll fully get to see how it is this weekend. i just hope that if it is --the one-- we'll be able to talk them down when it comes to the money.
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did i mention that crystal saw kendra (one of the bitches who wanted her), yesterday? apparently she's lost some weight, dyed her hair blonde or something, and has a tan --fake or not: unknown-- i'm like bitch.... that being because i'm very thin and tan.. and i have two blonde streaks, one on each front side of my head. now, i'm definitely not saying that i'm hot shit... but its just.. i dunno.. it pisses me off that she can't be herself. i mean i'll all about people trying to better themselves and feel good about how they look... but it's not cool when she would try to dress like me, buy the same bags as me, and during the winter she even tried to buy a scarf like mine (it was this really unique one that was made out of a special material with different shades of blue and grey in it) -- and then told everyone that i was trying to copy her.. riiight... uhm.. aren't you the one who wants my girlfriend? i didn't think it was the other way around.
ha.. look.. i get pissed and i just go off.. like i'm in my own little world.. thinking of what i should have done and said, instead of being way-- too nice.
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2001.07.23 10.00
man, cris really disappointed me yesterday. my little cousin was having his 5th birthday party and my mom thought i should go because he kept asking about me. so, i talked to cris about it and she told me that she'd go. that morning she called me and told me that she didn't want to go and then acted like 'oh fine, if i have to' -- i mean that was basically her attitude for our whole conversation. so, she told me she'd call me after work. well, the party was supposed to start when she got off work.. so, i thought well.. if she doesn't come i don't want to waste my gas going out there when my mom's already going. so i tried to call her, but she didn't answer. i took a shower and i told my mom to just go ahead and go. then, around 1:00pm or so she finally called and told me that she wasn't going (she made sure to be pissy about it, as well) and then told me that she'd be hanging out with jason and going to a movie. god, i was so fucking angry.. and it was like she just didn't even care.. like oh well it's fine that i promised you i'd go with you.. and now you've waited on me when everyone else is over there. but, i think the worse part about the whole situation was the fact that instead of showing that she'd feel uncomfortable by going there, she just told me that she was going to hang out with jason. i'm like christ.. don't you two hang out every single day... what you can't let go of his hand for a second or something? errr.
she didn't call me until like 9 something last tonight either. and she was supposed to go to an early movie too. i was so fed up, i just acted like everything was more than perfect -but- i really had to so... i'd talk to her later. i was so irritated at that moment.. i just didn't give a fuck what she had to say.. and how much she said she missed me.. and it almost pissed me off even more.
she also called me bright and early this morning. she sounded sincere (i think she knows that she really pissed me off) and it is hard for me to stay mad at her, but i want her to realize that.. that shit is fucked up and i don't deserve to go through that.. i mean she's my girlfriend.. she could have come to some birthday party with me for an hour.. it wouldn't have killed her.
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on a brighter note...
my faerie book came in the mail on thursday.. it is the one i wanted. it does have a bend on the last page though. i should send it back (i'm a freak over my books like that) but i figure that it'll probably take forever and i may never see my faerie book again.
my star shirt finally showed up on saturday. it wasn't what i expected. i mean it's not as cute as it looked in the pictures.. but hey, i'll live with it. it's still cute and stuff.
i'm still awaiting my other book i ordered from barnes and nobles, though. i figure it'll probably come today.
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ohh!!! over the weekend i went car shopping. my mom and i were really impressed with the honda cars. i found two that i really liked and there is one in the paper we need to call about. it's really hard to find a good used car without a million miles on it. i just hope i find a great one before school starts. hopefully this one will have more of a system then just a radio (like my dodge lancer).
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2001.07.19 10.48
i should receive my handmade reversible star shirt and my barnes and noble order today!! i can't wait to go home and check the mailbox. i just hope that the faerie book is the right one.
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cris came over and slept again yesterday.... (i can't entirely blame her.. since i too was tired when we finally got home.)
hopefully tonight will be different though... since she's actually going to spend the night and neither of us have to go to work tomorrow.
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2001.07.18 11.15
"that made my heart spin" she said
after that she just laid her head on my shoulder and held me for a little while.
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yeah so.. we got in this huge fight yesterday. i mean huge. i guess i really shouldn't go into it.. i'll probably just make me angry again. we made up of course.. but no for a while. i hate being mad at her. it's like i'm so fucking pissed off... but at the same time i just want to hug her and tell her that i'm fine with everything, you know?
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i miss claire... i don't know how to approach the situation, though. it's like.. ahh.. how can you get close to someone again who was your best friend and still could be.. but acts different now.. and has a boyfriend up her ass all the time. it's all so crazy and weird and i don't know what to do about it.
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2001.07.17 10.24
wow.. so people (heh... or at least someone) actually read this.
look.. i even got a nice little email from one of them this morning. she even gave me two book titles to check out! rock. if you want to check her journal out, do so.
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last night, cris came over and fell asleep again. it's not that i mind her sleeping at my house.. i mean with a mother like hers she wouldn't get any peace and quiet at her own... but in a way it kind of upsets me because that's all i really get to see of her, you know? she works early in the morning, then i work morning/afternoon, and instead of sleeping a bit while i'm at work -- she's over at jason's house doing well.. it could be just about anything. it's like whoa.. by the way... how did some wanna-be queen gay male getting in between our relationship. wow.. the world is crazy. don't get me wrong, i think he's okay. but, when he starts crying because she wants to hang out with me (you know, her actual girlfriend)... well that's when it gets carried a little too far.
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oh wow... real world comes on tonight. yeah yeah, i'm a sucker for it... but who wouldn't be..? have you seen rachel? whoa! -- now that's some cuteness for ya.
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2001.07.13 13.38
i can't wait to get home. i need to put up a few things on ebay. maybe someone will buy them and then i'll have more money to feed my poor addiction. it seems like every time i get online i neeeed something... i want it sooo bad.. i must have it, until finally i wait to the last minute and bid on it. heh
gosh, i'm such a dork
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everyone in my office seems to be in little cults. i hope i don't get that way when i'm there age. walking around in small little groups, whispering to each other about people in the building... basically just taking things way too serious. i mean hey.. it's good once and a while.. but c'mon smile for a change.
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note to self: hershey's sundae pie is to die for..
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2001.07.12 16.44
leisha hailey (The Murmurs or Gush) and k.d. lang split up? where the hell was i? oh dear.. how come they are all splitting up? let's see there's... ellen and ann, melissa and julie, and now leisha and k.d. ahh!!! what's going on here?
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2001.07.12 15.14
books books books... ahh it's all so crazy.
i've been going back and forth between ebay, amazon, and barnes and nobles to see just who has the best prices for my oh so wanted read-ables. hehe.
a week or so ago, i bought Lady Cottington's Fairy Pressed Journal by Terry Jones. It's really cute and of course i'm in love with it comes to faeries so i was more than thrilled to have it.. but what i didn't expect is there to be two different copies of it (possibly more). i bought the newer purple one from ebay and now i've been searching the net for the older version that comes with the fairy decal. (weird..? obsessive..? lost it...? really i'm none of those things.. okay) finally, i found it on the Barnes and Nobles website for a cool $12.98 -- now whether or not it comes with the decal or the special wrapped section to "protect the innocent" that's another story. i called their 1-800 number and the guy wasn't much help. i guess we'll see when it comes in.. right?
i feel like summer is slipping away and i haven't really been able to enjoy it. i know i know.. what are you complaining about.. you have a great job -- good pay and it's easy -- but still.. i didn't go to beach week.. i work every day.. and i've only been to the pool twice the whole summer. i know, there's only me to blame.. but really i should be doing cartwheels and getting all my energy out before i have to start college.
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2001.07.11 13.07
i think i'm officially an ebay addict now.. i mean before it was just here and there.. but now it's just daily to bid on something. hehe. but!!! i will fend for myself and say that i have been selling items as well. so there.
whatever happened to claire and claire? uhm.... so yeah, we hadn't talked for a long while, so one day i finally decide to aIM her and we had this really long weird talk. she basically told me that she didn't feel close to me and that's why she didn't tell me things, oh and that david was the only person she could trust.. blah blah. then she went on to mention that she was mad that everyone didn't like david. i was speechless... honestly.. it was such a huge shock. it's like someone just up and moving away without telling you. i mean i was so hurt, i couldn't even really be angry at her, you know. it's like you're just like, "wow...okay.. wow" and that's all that really comes out. of course later on i kept thinking about it and i just was so angry and the lack of words went away. but, of course i didn't tell her how pissed off i was.. because what good would that have done anyway? but.. for my own sake.....
if david is such a good fucking person and boyfriend.. i mean better than me anyway.. right? then.. how come i'd always take my car to pick her up and lend her money and talk to her when she needed me? how come he couldn't even let her go to fucking prom with me when he knows that she like my fucking sister and there's no way i could go with my own girlfriend? no, oh no.. he had to be a big fucking baby about the whole thing and tell her that it would most likely be over if she went with me. but, oh.. make sure to tell me that there's no hard feelings.. okay? right.... and i mean she wasn't even a junior or senior so how could she have gone by herself anyway... ahhh!! oh wait, and what about all that crap about him cheating on her. sure some of it could have been rumors.. but can some girl really describe his room that well for according to him, never having been there, especially alone with him. right...
god... but yeah, really all of that was so long ago.. i can't even or more so.. don't even want to bring back all my feelings.
the day after my birthday... we went out on the hill and had a little picnic.. just the two of us... but really it wasn't the same because i couldn't get her words out of my head. i've only talked to her in one email since then. i hope she's doing okay.
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i've been reading a lot lately. so far i've read Smack by Melvin Burgess, Venus Envy by Rita Mae Brown, and Foxfire by Joyce Carol Oates. i must say that Smack was my favorite. uhm... Foxfire really upset me. i mean i had seen the movie before hand.. and you gotta love it because a) angelina jolie and b) well it's full of girls... and even then the ending of the movie upset me, but the book.. man.. i was so torn up about the way they treated Maddy. but, anyway... enough.. right?
i've noticed that people have gotten a little more mean, have you?
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2001.06.06 15.47
for a while there... i guess i just felt like i really didn't have anything to say... things were so out of hand.. i didn't really know what to do with myself.
i'm out of school now. graduation will be this saturday.. it's kind of exciting to be able to get out of the normal routine of high school and onto college. but i can reassure you that i really with i didn't have to take that giant leap to college just yet. i'm so nervous about the whole thing. having new classes, harder work, meeting new people, finding time for myself between classes, work, and homework. whenever i think about it, i get a little scared.. but i'm trying hard not to let it bother me.
besides my wonderful clairis, no one really seemed to give a shit that i was leaving school. it's okay though, i mean i didn't really expect much more than that. it's so hard to explain myself when it comes to friends. i'm selective... but not snobby, and i'm for the most part in a lack of a entire group of good friends... not due to being a loser, it's just that i chose to live my life with a drug-free manner. it's seems like nowadays no one is really into that whole hanging out and not smoking pot. (it's so weird, writing this and actually feeling the exact same way. when i used to be the one who had to get high every day just to be able to deal with people.. or at least i felt that way.) but, maybe that's something i can look forward to when it comes to college. meeting cool, interesting people who don't have to use drugs every fucking second.
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last night we sat outside on the back of her car. it was nice.. not too hot, and not chilly. it felt good to just sit and let the air surround us for a little while. sometimes i feel like we hardly get to say exactly what we are thinking. she's gotten better, but at any rate.. we will.. or well.. she still has a little ways to go before i can trust her again. (i guess that's another reason why i find it so hard to become friends with people. almost every friend i've had has fucked me over..so i've basically just refused to trust anyone.) it was this whole thing.. were she promised me something.. and then of course she broke the promise.. but it wasn't until over a month that i actually found out. i love her. i hope one day things change. but, at least for now we've gotten past a lot of things and i think it's going to get better.
which reminds me... last night... there was simply nothing that would take the smile from her lips. god, she's so overwhelming when she smiles. i can't even begin to describe the happiness i feel when i see her smile. but, when i can say about it... is that it's one of the best things ever.
anyway... we giggled together until we eventually wore ourselves out.
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sometimes i miss how the internet was so new and mysterious. how you'd soon make a certain group of people to chat with online and spend hours just searching pages and such. it was so fun and entertaining then. i miss some of the people too.
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2001.02.24 22.44
i really like this.
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2001.02.24 22.12
cris came over after work and we watched at first sight, while cuddling and giving each other the typical cute kisses and such. it was really nice. i'm glad that we are slowly spending more time like that together. it feels good -- like the old days, you know? after that she left to go to work.
i ended up getting ready by 05:00pm and left to go downtown. i met claire down there along with lauren, tom, and myra. myra ended up having to go to work, so it was basically just us four hanging out. oh! and i saw beckie.. ha.. i was glad i did. earlier myra had told me that she looked just fine when i asked, but when i saw her she looked rough. as in... she was basically going for the sweats look.. which i don't mind on most people.. but i was very happy to see it on her because well let's face it.. what are you gonna be turned on by a cute little faerie chick or some rough looking bitch? i think that has an easy answer. needless to say i was thrilled. i was even more thrilled when tom said that he thinks i look way better out of the two of us, when i asked him. ahh.. my night was made. hrm... but oddly enough lauren elliot came by with beckie and them and didn't speak a word to me. i figure that it's mainly because of beckie and i not liking each other. now that she's licking beckie's clit sucking up to her i guess she can't talk to me or something. it was weird and fucked up. but oh well.. right.
i stopped by cris' job before i went home. i could tell she was really happy to see me. she ran to me and gave me a big hug. ahh.. so in love. i stayed and talked to her for about half and hour and then i left so she could continue to do her job. i think that's what i should do.. surprise her once in a while.. do sweet things for her out of nowhere. it'll make our relationship more fresh that way, i think. at least it seems like it would probably be good for the both of us.
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i bought the groceries for us today. it's the second time since my parents have been gone and i must say i am beginning to feel like the mommie in the house now.. heh.
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will wrote me yesterday. he also sent a picture of himself. i was very surprised when he gave it to me and not cris. i dunno.. i guess it was that kinda good shock you get. he said that since he's been in jail, he's realized who is fake and who isn't (who will be there for him and who won't) and more importantly how he's going to change his life when he gets out. i was really proud to hear him say that. when he gets out, i'm going to try my best to help him have a better life. he needs to get past the drugs and loser friends and get a job and make something of himself. i really want the best for him because when you really get to know him he's such a great guy.
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